Pudding Time

Well its finally happened. I'm a girlfriend. Its only take what.. like 3 years. Bryon is just the sweetest guy and he treats me oh so well. I just feel so comfortable around him and I dont know. Its just awesome. Not to mention the sex.. which is also awesome.

There are probably a lot of reasons why he and I shouldnt be together. But some how it all works. I'm so deliriously happy with him and I just feel so good being in his company. I every once in a while I have to tell myself.. yes.. you are someones girlfriend now, cause at times I just cant believe it. I hope this relationship lasts for a long time.. cause he is just that awesome.

So many firsts too with him and that goes to the whole feeling completely comfortable with him. I actually fell asleep spooning with him one night.. and normally cannot sleep with anyone or anything touching me. But there i was in his arms, asleep for hours and woke up completely amazed at that fact. Its so weird..he keeps changing my life and my mood for the better. He makes me feel so good. Other parts of my life are changing too and perhaps for the better. I just see life so much differently, like my marathon coming up tomororw. Which I normally would be a nervous wreck over today. Nope. I'm so at peace with it and so like "what ever happens happens" I know I will do the best I possibly can with the training that I have accomplished. And thats ok. Did bryon help me with that? I dont know for certain. But life just seems so much more positive and happy for me now and I'm not going to question it.

He is a great guy and I am so damn happy he is in my life.

Ramble On

really this blog entry (and I know its been a while since i've written one) should be really entitled, B & the 4 boys.

After months.. MONTHS if not years.. I have found myself being attracted to 4 different guys. All different and for all different reasons. Some I'm more attracted to than others.

Which is really an odd dilemma for me to have. Usually there is no one.

Lets start from the least known to the most known.

Mark - random meeting at a local dive bar, I was considerably intoxicated at the time. but something about him was just so interesting. that was my first and only meeting with him. on following visits to said dive bar, I told some of the locals that I was interested in talking to him, not only did he say that he remembered me, but also wanted to get my number, when they offered to get it from me to give to him, he said no, he wanted to do it the "old fashioned way". So there is a guy somewhere in ballard that wants to ask me out, but these 2 ships keep passing in the night. Who knows if/when we will pass close enough again.

Darrell - "met" him originally via the Stranger personals, we had a very in depth discussion about kurt Vonnegut. He is now an occasional hasher. Very attractive and lives local'ish. Really would like to get to know him better. Because really thats all I got here.

Ron - guy in idaho, also met once at burning man. We have chatted via im numerous times, have shared details about our lives and so forth. He is a hasher and a burner who very important qualifications for me. Gorgeous with a capital G. Also a pilot. I was planning to get a flight out to see him a few weeks ago but due to my financial situation, not exactly in the game plan. Really would love a visit with him, just to hash with him and ya know eye candy does a body good sometimes. Even people like myself who still battles with her weight. I remember one email he sent to me, he said something along the lines of.. "yes, I remember those breasts" I was wearing a very loose dress at the hash at burning man and my boobs (non sport bra'd) were a bit on the showy side. He also wanted to hang out with me more after the hash, but signals got crossed some how during circle.

Bryon - Ah.. Bryon, Met via ok cupid about 2+ months ago and have pseduo not "dated" but have gone out at as friends for the past few months. Cause some how it seemed like the right thing to do. We are both divorcee's for our various reasons. He is also a childfree by choice type person, so thats cool. He is a geek, which is also good. He is so freakin sweet.
A week or so ago, he messaged me and asked if I wanted to ride on his motorcycle to leavenworth, a Bavarian themed "city" in central'ish washington. So for two+ hours I had my arms around him, which I'm sure he loved. We got there and shared a meal and a beer, wandered the city and just hung out for a bit, then another 2+ hours on the bike home. I met his brother as well as his niece on the trip back. We then went out to dinner in ballard, and he is like "i gotta try something" i was like what, you want to kiss me. And I gave him just the quickest peck on the lips. Which he tells me was only a nose bump, I beg to differ.

But something just told me to hang out with him again. It was tuesday or wednesday that I hung out with him again and spent the night, just cuddling happened, no kissing even.

Then friday, I joined him up on capitol hill after happy houring with the hashers. Had our first "real" kiss and a bit more on the intimate side happened. But i'm not going to kiss and tell any more than that. But we spent the entire weekend together. Cheese festival, hung out with his friends in capitol hill and kirkland and it was all so much fun, and we even held hands a good portion of the day which made me feel all giddy.

It was nice, really nice to feel wanted, to feel the touch of a man. To just be held. Do i know where its going to go? Nope. Do I know where I want it to go? nope. But I like how he makes me feel.. and there is this one look that he gives me at times that just makes me melt just a bit and feel so sexy the next.

In other news, still unemployed, thats 8 months for those keeping track at home. Am on food assistance and go to the food bank occasionally. But still keeping myself entertained and happy somehow.

Marathon training is.. sporadic. I'm still planning on doing it.. so we will see how that goes.

Weight is approx 154 currently.

Did I mention I am still hopefull about finding work and am pretty darn happy.

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Blood Roses

A quick follow up to the last post.

I binged tonight. I try not to do that often. But tonight was one of those weird compbination nights of, sadness, lonelyness, unhapppi, boredom, ugli, and etc. All mearging into a giant snowball.

I put the cheese away.


I thought about how many HOURS i will spend at the gym tomorrow. As I so want to fit into a certain dress when I go to inter hash.

I also just dont want to be a fucking fat pig any more.

I ate cheese, bicuits and chocolate tonight. Not to mention beer and ouzo. lemme say.,. rolling out some biscuits with some chocolate chips in the middle is so fuckin yummy. Warm. Yea warm is nice. I kinda binged on that to. I actually turned my heat on tonight up to 55 degrees. I'm living in style.

I have over a pound of calories to burn tomorrow.

Blue Collar Suicide

(wow i hope that title is spelled right)

Its been a long drink day. I'm now sitting here sipping on a bottle of ouzo 12 (Hi zane!) Its one of the only bottles left in my drinking cabinet.

I helped a friend move today. I also realized what fuckin pain in the ass it is to help someone else move. With that said.. my landlord just raised my rent another 100$ . oh yea.. struggling economy and all and he has to raise it more. And its not even a good apartment. 900 for this lap of luxury i'm in a month. Basement apartment under a laudnry room.

Still no job, but the weight loss is going well. I've lost almost 20 pounds so far.

Heh there is still playa dust on this bottle of ouzo.

Ebay sales are going ok. They are helping me survive. Its one thing i've learned in this period of economic crisis is how to not spend money when I dont need too. I dont go out anymore. I watch every freakin dollar I spend. I am so cautios with my money. I'm selling things on ebay that I never thought I part with just for the cash.

My friend while he was moving found his wedding ring. I was like oh yea.. I still haev one of those. Wonder if I could get 1000 for it. (its worth like oh i dont know Lots more htan 1k) Anyone need a 1/2 carat vv diamon in a platinum setting?

As far as the job thing goes. I'm so frustrated. I send resumes out by the dozens and nothing. Its like my resume and cover letter is just the fodder for office humor.

I couldnt even get hired by trader joes. I must really suck.
OK I know thats not true. I know a bajillion peope are out of work.

Gosh. I'm pretty sure If i get desperate enough I will start selling off my fabric and dress collection. But I hope it doesnt come to that.

Oh yea. in other news. dating? fuck dating. Although I did anounce on the dating site that I'm ready to date again. There are no men beating down this old womans door.

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